Spoiled ≠ to Selfish

After one of the most amazing church services yesterday my sister in Christ daughter, Vanessa F. and I were having a conversation that for some reason we got on the topic of selfishness. As the conversation progressed I spoke of two instances relating to this topic. The first example was of what I consider pure selfishness of an adult; let’s say an adult friend who later proved to be an acquaintance (but that’s another topic for discussion at a later date). The other instance was about my personal thought on raising a non-spoiled child.

Let’s start with the adult with the selfish tendency. This woman had received a bottle of expensive champagne from her brother, who had received a settlement from litigation. She indicated to me that she had sat down and drank the whole bottle by herself. She didn’t even share it with her husband. Granted this was her bottle of libation and she was quite within her own decision to have drunk the whole bottle. Now at this time, I’m thinking we are friends, I pointed out how self-centered I thought her actions had been. “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.” James 3:14 NIV I explained that had that been me I would have called all my close friends over to share in drinking the beverage. And even if each one of us only got a thimble of the wine, I would have found joy in sharing it with others in celebration of my sibling’s windfall. She purely didn’t get it and wasn’t too long later that she proved herself not to be a friend.

The next instance was when my daughter died, nearly 20 years ago. After her death, what is now called BFF Kyana C., told me that she will miss her and she knows that she will NEVER ever have another friend like her. This is one of the defining moments when a mother knows that she has raised her offspring to the best of their human ability, not perfect but RAISED with standards and integrity. Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, “‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.” Samuel 20:42 NIV This conversation took me back further to when I was raising my daughter as a single child (as I too was also from a single child) family. I instilled within her the premise that there isn’t anything wrong with being spoiled but the problem that I have is with being selfish. To me spoiled means bringing the child up with what they need and supplying them with on occasion some wants or desires. I believe this is especially important in raising a girl child. For if the young woman is instilled with worth and is not impressed with little bobbles then when the hood rats come sniffing around the young woman she will not be impressed with dates of small gifts, movies and chicken n’ waffle dinners. Ohhhh, yes I went there. And this is what I call training up a child which proved exemplary in the comment that was made by my daughter’s BFF. . “For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life…” Proverbs 6:23 NASB

Parents I implore you to RAISE your children, set boundaries, and yes, be that bad guy and say NO when necessary. You have been lent or let’s say entrusted with this precious being from the cradle to the grave.  This means leading by example, sending thank-you notes (via USPS and not email) for gifts you’ve received, setting boundaries, and recognizing true friendship.  For in the case of being thankful for a gift received, the giver took time to select and presented you with the gift so it is appropriate to let them know suitably that you indeed are appreciative. And sharing or even giving away precious items will bring you joy beyond compare. Don’t take my word for it, try it. Nevertheless we are all accountable for our actions to a greater authority and I for one want to hear, “Good job, my faithful servant”, how about you? “‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter...’ Luke 19:17 NIV I am thankful that I RAISED my child and that I know the difference between spoiled (within reasonable parameters) and selfishness. Do you?

Building Friends

Our humanistic needs to continually keep ourselves busy and always in motion has in some sense made us less…hummm humanistic. Social media has caused our youth and our young adults to digress lacking real interpersonal communication. Technology is good but when it hinders real communication I’d say there has to be a balance.

I’ve noticed on the streets groups of young people, clearly together for some reason, but each person has their telephone out intrigued with texting, gaming, or wireless conversations. Even at restaurants and other gathering places individuals have their phones on the table, texting others, or engrossed in conversation via technology and not with the person they are physical with. At one time this is where “real” friendships bloomed. When people use electronic media in front of the people whom they are in physically vicinity with (except in emergencies) they are saying, “You are not important.”  We seem to have a generation of individuals that do not value inter-personal communications.

I pray it is not so. For as long as there have been humans we have craved real relationships, built on mutual admiration, physical connection, with limited proximity constraints. I’m not saying that people cannot retain already build relationships via technology. Today a friend is loosely termed as how many people I can get to friend me on the social network sites. Are all these people really your friends? Most will agree they are not. Those that you hold close are the ones you see on a regular basis, or those that you’ve established years ago that you now catch up with regularly (with  handwritten notes, emails, telephone calls, or even texts), and those that you can call in the middle of the night and trust in fact that they will answer your call.

 
To our youth and young adults I say think, are the relationships you are building temporary or long lasting? Are the ones that are with you physically of importance? Then treat them as such. Place technology way and get to know the person or persons who you are within touchable closeness. Use the technology to build on established relationships not frivolous counts of I have an outrageous count of non-real friends.  

21st Century lynching?

Earlier this month I read an article in Jet magazine with an internal title of “Standing our Ground” and the cover story title of “Is Your Child Next?” and on completion of my reading all I could think about is the actions taken that caused this young man’s death is 21^st  century justification for lynching. Lord please, say it isn’t so! The teen in this article’s name is Jordan Russell Davis. According to the writing Jordan was, “a promising 17-year-old high school junior who had the hopes of being a Marine.” Unfortunately  he met the likes of an adult that was adamantly objective to the fact that he thought that Jordan and his friends music was too loud, in his opinion. They refused to comply with his request to turn the music down and he then shot into the car 8/9 times. He then left the scene and on the next day when he found out that someone died from his actions he drove to his home 170 miles away. Apparently the gunman had just left his son’s wedding to purchase wine when he encountered the teen and their abrasive volume of music.

This story has so many similarities reminiscent of the Trayvon Martin case. The victims where young vibrant teens with loving parent who cared for both of them. They were not gang bangers or thugs in dress or action. Both cases happened in the State of Florida which has its wonderful law of “Stand Your Ground”. The writing also notes and references the National Bureaus of Economic Research had uncovered a number of 500 to 700 increases in homicides in the states (20) which have Shoot First laws. In addition that the Stand Your Ground Law most often favors Whites. And in about 1/3 of the cases where the shooter is White and the victim is Black the homicides are judged justifiable.  

Personally I’m appalled that these incidents, but unfortunately I am not surprised. I see this as the rational of legalized lynching no different from the 1950’s when Emmett Till was beaten and shot for supposedly speaking to and whistling at a white woman. The legacy continues of being young, black, and doing something that apparently is offensive to a White person. The offensive act is not illegal but the person just doesn’t like the behavior of the Black youth. The actions of the gun welding White men is in my opinion a rational of 21^st century lynching alive and well in the USA. When is it going to stop? What can WE going to stop this? Law makers get into action on these matters; citizens get incest with officials and design active organized committees to find solutions to stop this blatant act of new aged justifiable lynching. (*Note: Jet Magazine, January 14, 2013, pages 16-23, written by Denene Millner)