Let’s start with the adult with the selfish tendency. This
woman had received a bottle of expensive champagne from her brother, who had
received a settlement from litigation. She indicated to me that she had sat
down and drank the whole bottle by herself. She didn’t even share it with her
husband. Granted this was her bottle of libation and she was quite within her
own decision to have drunk the whole bottle. Now at this time, I’m thinking we
are friends, I pointed out how self-centered I thought her actions had been.
“But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish
ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.” James 3:14 NIV I explained that had that
been me I would have called all my close friends over to share in drinking the
beverage. And even if each one of us only got a thimble of the wine, I would
have found joy in sharing it with others in celebration of my sibling’s
windfall. She purely didn’t get it and wasn’t too long later that she proved
herself not to be a friend.
The next instance was when my daughter died, nearly 20 years
ago. After her death, what is now called BFF Kyana C., told me that she will
miss her and she knows that she will NEVER ever have another friend like her.
This is one of the defining moments when a mother knows that she has raised her
offspring to the best of their human ability, not perfect but RAISED with
standards and integrity. Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace,
for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, “‘The Lord is witness
between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’”
Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.” Samuel 20:42 NIV This conversation took me back further to
when I was raising my daughter as a single child (as I too was also from a
single child) family. I instilled within her the premise that there isn’t
anything wrong with being spoiled but the problem that I have is with being
selfish. To me spoiled means bringing the child up with what they need and
supplying them with on occasion some wants or desires. I believe this is
especially important in raising a girl child. For if the young woman is
instilled with worth and is not impressed with little bobbles then when the
hood rats come sniffing around the young woman she will not be impressed with
dates of small gifts, movies and chicken n’ waffle dinners. Ohhhh, yes I went
there. And this is what I call training up a child which proved exemplary in
the comment that was made by my daughter’s BFF. . “For the commandment is a
lamp, and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of
life…” Proverbs 6:23 NASB
Parents I implore you to RAISE your children, set
boundaries, and yes, be that bad guy and say NO when necessary. You have been
lent or let’s say entrusted with this precious being from the cradle to the
grave. This means leading by example,
sending thank-you notes (via USPS and not email) for gifts you’ve received, setting
boundaries, and recognizing true friendship. For in the case of being thankful for a gift
received, the giver took time to select and presented you with the gift so it
is appropriate to let them know suitably that you indeed are appreciative. And
sharing or even giving away precious items will bring you joy beyond compare.
Don’t take my word for it, try it. Nevertheless we are all accountable for our
actions to a greater authority and I for one want to hear, “Good job, my
faithful servant”, how about you? “‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy
in a very small matter...’ Luke 19:17 NIV
I am thankful that I RAISED my child and that I know the difference between
spoiled (within reasonable parameters) and selfishness. Do you?
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