Spoiled ≠ to Selfish

After one of the most amazing church services yesterday my sister in Christ daughter, Vanessa F. and I were having a conversation that for some reason we got on the topic of selfishness. As the conversation progressed I spoke of two instances relating to this topic. The first example was of what I consider pure selfishness of an adult; let’s say an adult friend who later proved to be an acquaintance (but that’s another topic for discussion at a later date). The other instance was about my personal thought on raising a non-spoiled child.

Let’s start with the adult with the selfish tendency. This woman had received a bottle of expensive champagne from her brother, who had received a settlement from litigation. She indicated to me that she had sat down and drank the whole bottle by herself. She didn’t even share it with her husband. Granted this was her bottle of libation and she was quite within her own decision to have drunk the whole bottle. Now at this time, I’m thinking we are friends, I pointed out how self-centered I thought her actions had been. “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.” James 3:14 NIV I explained that had that been me I would have called all my close friends over to share in drinking the beverage. And even if each one of us only got a thimble of the wine, I would have found joy in sharing it with others in celebration of my sibling’s windfall. She purely didn’t get it and wasn’t too long later that she proved herself not to be a friend.

The next instance was when my daughter died, nearly 20 years ago. After her death, what is now called BFF Kyana C., told me that she will miss her and she knows that she will NEVER ever have another friend like her. This is one of the defining moments when a mother knows that she has raised her offspring to the best of their human ability, not perfect but RAISED with standards and integrity. Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, “‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.” Samuel 20:42 NIV This conversation took me back further to when I was raising my daughter as a single child (as I too was also from a single child) family. I instilled within her the premise that there isn’t anything wrong with being spoiled but the problem that I have is with being selfish. To me spoiled means bringing the child up with what they need and supplying them with on occasion some wants or desires. I believe this is especially important in raising a girl child. For if the young woman is instilled with worth and is not impressed with little bobbles then when the hood rats come sniffing around the young woman she will not be impressed with dates of small gifts, movies and chicken n’ waffle dinners. Ohhhh, yes I went there. And this is what I call training up a child which proved exemplary in the comment that was made by my daughter’s BFF. . “For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life…” Proverbs 6:23 NASB

Parents I implore you to RAISE your children, set boundaries, and yes, be that bad guy and say NO when necessary. You have been lent or let’s say entrusted with this precious being from the cradle to the grave.  This means leading by example, sending thank-you notes (via USPS and not email) for gifts you’ve received, setting boundaries, and recognizing true friendship.  For in the case of being thankful for a gift received, the giver took time to select and presented you with the gift so it is appropriate to let them know suitably that you indeed are appreciative. And sharing or even giving away precious items will bring you joy beyond compare. Don’t take my word for it, try it. Nevertheless we are all accountable for our actions to a greater authority and I for one want to hear, “Good job, my faithful servant”, how about you? “‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter...’ Luke 19:17 NIV I am thankful that I RAISED my child and that I know the difference between spoiled (within reasonable parameters) and selfishness. Do you?

Building Friends

Our humanistic needs to continually keep ourselves busy and always in motion has in some sense made us less…hummm humanistic. Social media has caused our youth and our young adults to digress lacking real interpersonal communication. Technology is good but when it hinders real communication I’d say there has to be a balance.

I’ve noticed on the streets groups of young people, clearly together for some reason, but each person has their telephone out intrigued with texting, gaming, or wireless conversations. Even at restaurants and other gathering places individuals have their phones on the table, texting others, or engrossed in conversation via technology and not with the person they are physical with. At one time this is where “real” friendships bloomed. When people use electronic media in front of the people whom they are in physically vicinity with (except in emergencies) they are saying, “You are not important.”  We seem to have a generation of individuals that do not value inter-personal communications.

I pray it is not so. For as long as there have been humans we have craved real relationships, built on mutual admiration, physical connection, with limited proximity constraints. I’m not saying that people cannot retain already build relationships via technology. Today a friend is loosely termed as how many people I can get to friend me on the social network sites. Are all these people really your friends? Most will agree they are not. Those that you hold close are the ones you see on a regular basis, or those that you’ve established years ago that you now catch up with regularly (with  handwritten notes, emails, telephone calls, or even texts), and those that you can call in the middle of the night and trust in fact that they will answer your call.

 
To our youth and young adults I say think, are the relationships you are building temporary or long lasting? Are the ones that are with you physically of importance? Then treat them as such. Place technology way and get to know the person or persons who you are within touchable closeness. Use the technology to build on established relationships not frivolous counts of I have an outrageous count of non-real friends.  

21st Century lynching?

Earlier this month I read an article in Jet magazine with an internal title of “Standing our Ground” and the cover story title of “Is Your Child Next?” and on completion of my reading all I could think about is the actions taken that caused this young man’s death is 21^st  century justification for lynching. Lord please, say it isn’t so! The teen in this article’s name is Jordan Russell Davis. According to the writing Jordan was, “a promising 17-year-old high school junior who had the hopes of being a Marine.” Unfortunately  he met the likes of an adult that was adamantly objective to the fact that he thought that Jordan and his friends music was too loud, in his opinion. They refused to comply with his request to turn the music down and he then shot into the car 8/9 times. He then left the scene and on the next day when he found out that someone died from his actions he drove to his home 170 miles away. Apparently the gunman had just left his son’s wedding to purchase wine when he encountered the teen and their abrasive volume of music.

This story has so many similarities reminiscent of the Trayvon Martin case. The victims where young vibrant teens with loving parent who cared for both of them. They were not gang bangers or thugs in dress or action. Both cases happened in the State of Florida which has its wonderful law of “Stand Your Ground”. The writing also notes and references the National Bureaus of Economic Research had uncovered a number of 500 to 700 increases in homicides in the states (20) which have Shoot First laws. In addition that the Stand Your Ground Law most often favors Whites. And in about 1/3 of the cases where the shooter is White and the victim is Black the homicides are judged justifiable.  

Personally I’m appalled that these incidents, but unfortunately I am not surprised. I see this as the rational of legalized lynching no different from the 1950’s when Emmett Till was beaten and shot for supposedly speaking to and whistling at a white woman. The legacy continues of being young, black, and doing something that apparently is offensive to a White person. The offensive act is not illegal but the person just doesn’t like the behavior of the Black youth. The actions of the gun welding White men is in my opinion a rational of 21^st century lynching alive and well in the USA. When is it going to stop? What can WE going to stop this? Law makers get into action on these matters; citizens get incest with officials and design active organized committees to find solutions to stop this blatant act of new aged justifiable lynching. (*Note: Jet Magazine, January 14, 2013, pages 16-23, written by Denene Millner)

Disobedience… all BUT

Earlier this year I had a conversation with a good friend’s grandson. We were discussing when guidelines are given what exactly determines obedience. Which brought to my mind that the definition of doing what one is expected to do, when one is graciously allowed to live under someone else’s household. The tween was explaining to me what the person had done everything that was expected of them but…

This is when I explained to the young man that not only was the person being disobedient but disrespectful. I then told him, “Whenever you but at the end of the sentence of explaining actions it negates everything in front of the explanation. For example, Suzie cleaned her bedroom, washed the dishes, did the laundry BUT she didn’t feed the dog as instructed by her mother. Was Suzie being obedient? Most young people would say yes. I would beg to differ.

As an adult entrusted with guidance of a young person it is the parent or guardian responsibility to teach their youngster that if all task are not completed then this is in no terms defined as acceptable. When a person is allowed to put off one item then the next time they will add more to the all BUT list. Then the youth would now know that they don’t have to do what they were instructed to do. It is the duty of the parent/guardian to prepare the young person to know that in life, all BUT is not acceptable and leads to degrading the integrity of the person who is not in compliance with completing delegated task.

With this in mind I gave this young man an example. Say…I came to live at your house and you told me I’m not going to charge you rent but I want you to make sure that you keep the living area that I’ve assigned you to be kept neat and clean. My other duties are to do the family laundry, mop the kitchen weekly, spend quality time with my children and prepare healthy meals for my children daily. I agreed to these terms and did everything on the list but I shuffled the children off to their grandparents every weekend and feed them peanut butter sandwiches every day. My question to him was, “am I being obedient and respectful of your house rules?” He immediately said no.

Sometime children, tweens, teens and young adults look at situations from the way that the person who rears them which has inadequate grounded life rules. Then they attempt to defend wrong doings which are defined by someone’s actions who is without healthy life rules. Because the child loves this person dearly they accept their actions as grounded and acceptable. With this in mind it may cloud the youngster’s judgment, but when they are guided with thought provoking situations they recognizing that guidelines/rules are to be followed which shows the persons integrity in all circumstances.  And once they understand that following the rules until ALL assigned task are completed defines obedience and anytime that there is a BUT at the end of the sentence there is an undisputable signal of disobedience. “You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn’t come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don’t toss this off as insignificant.” Galatians 5: 7-8 MSG

My appeal to all who have been entrusted with guiding our citizens of tomorrow, are you raising children of integrity? Ones which follow instructions or are you allowing the BUT of disobedience contribute to society’s failure in honor minded people? They are the ones who think that they can get away with doing as little as possible and rules do not apply to them. Or as I say a world of false sensed and rationalized ENTITLED individuals who think the world owes them something, even though they have not contributed one thing to their own life’s existence. “Parents rejoice when their children turn out well; wise children become proud parents. So make your father happy! Make your mother proud!” Proverbs 23:25 MSG

Surviving Life Challenges

Many times I’ve been asked, “How did you go through the life challenges that you have faced?” This comment is said in response to the many challenges that I have faced. But it is mostly stated in the knowing of my surviving out of order death of my children and cancer twice.

First I’ll address the situation of out-living my children. These angels were only lent to me. They belonged to the Almighty Father before they were even a seed within my body. I rejoice in the fact that I know that I know, that when it is my time for my transition from the place they shall be at the gates waiting to live with me in eternity.  I must say eternity is a lot longer than this lifetime. Yes, I miss them and I live my daughter’s death each and every day that the Lord grants me a breath.  And yes there is an added burden when my friends and acquaintances rejoice at their children’s accomplishments and special life events.  I do travel to that place where I wonder where my children could or should have been or accomplished had they lived. I try not to rain on my friends and others parade with my thoughts. I keep them to myself and excuse myself when needed. But this is the cross I must bear and it I shall bear with the conviction of my Savior, for without him I could not GO THROUGH!

Let’s move forward into the multiple cancer challenges. Yes, treatment is grueling, tiring, and just not fun. But once again I faced this challenge in faith and not focusing on myself. For many, many years; Humm… I could say at least 25 year I’ve done an encouraging and edification ministry through sending regular cards, notes, and writings. For I have found that when you are facing life tests, being able to take yourself out of your own challenges and brighten someone else’s day, when they too are facing challenges, gives great joy. Well, it does for me. But I implore you if you are facing challenges try it, I’m most curtain that it too will bring you great delight.  

Our Lord allows life’s challenges to refine us not define us. The only way you may be refined is if you arise to the challenge and do not let it destroy your spirit. We are created with free will to choose. Is your choice refinement?

Purpose…meaning…underwear

Once upon a time in a land called the United States of America if someone told you that they see you’re underwired you were embarrassed. As I was sitting at a transportation stop that has minimal traffic I saw four young men in the matter of 5 minutes casually walking down the street with their plaid, blue, red and green underwear showing. And three of these youths, I don’t know how the pants stayed at the below the posterior position without walling to their ankles. For some reason they believe this is the “style”.

I have long held to the position that the word under held the definition of underneath something. Hence the definition of underwear would be underneath something that you are wearing, such as other clothing, and not exposed for the world to see your “style.” Let us now visit where this fashion trend’s origin is rooted and its REAL connotation.  

The origin of this fashion statement is embedded in the prison system. When inmates wore their pants in this fashion it was at statement to other inmates that they are available for intimate relations with fellow inmates. Young men is this the message that you want to express to others of your gender? Parents is this the desired statement that you have for your maturing men, that you have been entrusted to instruct toward being a productive person in society? Youth, men and parents this fashion trend makes a statement. Is it the statement that you want to present to the world? 

All are not His

This past week I was reminded that, all sheep do not belong to the same shepherd. Well… most in Him would say…. I know this.  It is commonly recognized that sheep, cattle and any other livestock do not belong to one shepherd. The same is true in the realization that not all places of worship belong to the almighty Father God, the head shepherd. ”I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me…” John 10:11 NASB I was told last week that when I’m not able to go to my own place of worship that I should just go to the church down the corner. Should I seek council from someone who doesn’t see fit to worship or praise the Lord? I… think not!

Okay let’s get to the nuts and bolts of this situation.  Not all places of worship teach and preach the word, praise the Lord, serve His people, focus on increasing the knowledge of its membership and most of all serve Him! Most places are filled with people who think that their obligation of servitude ends at the once a week church service and or attendance of study at mid-week. Their lives do not reflect the teachings and preaching on a daily basis through the fruits of the spirit. Most places of worship’s are hung up on the inner member circle busyness and increasing the number on members on its rolls.

 
Over the years I’ve visited and have even joined a few churches. In these lost places of worship I have seen the window dressing but no substance to ministering to the membership, visitors and all who enter their doors. In these places I have gone in and left just as empty as when I entered. The members are unfriendly and want to keep the status quo. They reject the presence of gifts in the visitor whose only desire is to serve the King alongside them. I have gone to great lengths in my search for my current place of worship. And I’ll say with great pride they are real in their service, growth, fellowship, and are inviting to new comers towards their service alongside them as co-workers in the Almighty’s vineyard.

So to those who say worship at any church all I can say to them that it is my desire for you to seek Him. For it is only He who can remove the scales so that the truth and discernment can shine upon and give you the knowing of what real worship and servitude looks like. I am looking forward toward my everlasting crown of glory and have received my shepherding from that which is of Him. ”And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.” 1 Peter 5:4 NASB